OPENING MY SECRETS - HOW I GOT HOOKED
May 13 2008 | Views 751 |
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Tags: IAS Mussorie horoscope Matrimonial Ad. Edward Sastri vadamas
Tags: IAS Mussorie horoscope Matrimonial Ad. Edward Sastri vadamas
OPENING MY SECRETS - HOW I GOT HOOKED
by V.S.Gopalakrishnan
Opening my secrets to strangers on this wide sulekha platform, is like consciously unzipping the pant outside the rest room, or even worse. But I have girded up my loins to do it. I don't know where the loin is but guess it must be close to the groin the location of which I am not sure. Frankly, I know the locations only of ankles, knees, knuckles and elbows.
Anyway, I am opening up my secrets here, like opening the Pandora's box (not available to buy on eBay). I am going to describe my peregrination that led to the Thaali, not of food, but the mangal-sutra that I tied. That explains the title "how I got hooked". If someone thinks - in fact many will think - I am mad to publicise all this, I can take the slings and arrows of the opprobrium in my stride. At this stage of my life, I have nothing to lose except readership.
It all began with my entering into the IAS (Indian Administrative Service). (I sense some resonance here to the Mowgli story's beginning.."It all began with..."). That was the beginning of a career and the end of mental peace. Even before I left for Mussoorie in UP for my training, enquiries and horoscopes started pouring in. Of course, as for them, my father was the receptacle.
If I had married those girls, my saadoos (co-brothers-in-law) would have all been in the Services (IAS). You understand what I mean? Some crazy fathers having multiple daughters all go in for IAS Maappillais (sons-in-law) for their precious kills! My father told them all that I was too young for marriage (theoretically I disagreed but practically I saw the point). A few days before I went to Mussoorie, my father ensured that I had my poonal ceremony (sacred threat, sorry thread) in Tirupati despite all my gentle protestations. The poonal has disappeared ever since although my reverence for it has now reached an apogee, thanks to my age, understanding and wisdom!
Mussoorie was a different cup of tea. Prospective fathers-in-law would troop into the Academy armed with the Civil List. My name posed a problem - it could be Iyer or Iyengar. But names like Sivaram, Ganesh etc of Shaivite extraction posed no problem to these groom-hunters. (No Iyengar would bear a shaivite name whereas Iyers are bisexual, I mean they can have a shiva name or vishnu name).
These Mussoorie raiders would look at the IAS cretins upside down, I mean up and down, would give them a broad grin, hand over to them their daughters' horoscopes and disappear. Many of us politely declined the horoscopes and took only the photos (of the girls). We gave them our fathers' addresses and requested them to send the horoscopes post-haste since the match-making-business was highly competitive and late-comers would live ever only to repent.
After the Mussoorie training, we went away to the districts for further field-training followed by a career starting as Assistant Collector. I was posted in Akola district. My grand-boss (boss's boss) who was Divisional Commissioner and a Maharashtrian had an eligible daughter. I was sounded. I said my father was simply orthodox.
Akola had produced a kindly old Cabinet Minister called Abasaheb Khedkar. I used to accompany him during his tours. He liked me and used to look at me mournfully as if to say 'I pity you boy for your bachelor status'. In fact, he used to say, "Tumhi faqta 'ho' sangaa. Tumchyaasaati maraathi mulgi aamhii aanoon devuun" ("You say yes, and I will get a Maharashtrian bride for you")
Years in the district life passed. I had left my match-making to my parents. They needed no instructions or guidelines from me. They were also pucca anti-dowryans.
All of a sudden, I had to report to Delhi for a training program. My father's younger brother Mr.Edward Sastri used to live in Delhi then. He became Edward as a little boy when he had to enroll into a Christian School in Rangoon. He had no option but to assume a Christian name, chosen by his father, of course. He has remained Edward Sastri ever since.
During the short sojourn I had in Delhi, my Edward uncle proposed:"Gopal, no need to marry only a Tamilian. Here you have nice and beautiful and educated Punjabi girls, and I am inclined to put up an advertisement-daa, what do you say?"
Edward uncle's suggestion was too alluring. I could not say, or really did not want to say 'no' to him. He was a media person by career. He drafted the Matrimonial Ad and sent it to the Hindustan Times. I returned to the district to continue to do my slogging.
I never happened to know what came of the Matrimonial Ad. until one day I received an extremely sad letter from my father in Madras. He wrote:"Gopal, what have you done? Lots of proposals have come in for you, sent to me from Delhi, in response to your advertisement. Why did you have to do it? I have got alliance proposals from widows, Christians and all kinds of people. Is this our family's culture? This has made me and Amma very sad".
I too got flabbergasted by what had happened and felt very sorry for my parents. I decided to investigate. I phoned up Edward uncle in Delhi. And what had taken place was simply like this. In the Ad. he had drafted, he had mentioned 'religion, caste, creed, language and other things no bar'. He had got a Post Box Number for collecting the responses. Unfortunately, he had ensured that all that bunch of proposals was put in a big envelope and sent directly to my father!
There was no way I could have directly blamed my Edward Sastri uncle. However, I neatly explained all the facts to my father. The contretemps got buried except in my memory.
All of a sudden, new developments were taking place in Madras, or rather more correctly at Pallavaram, a suburb, where my parents were living. A gentleman, who later became the President of India, had visited my father with a horoscope and a basketful of oranges. He had managed to get a copy of my horoscope- these scraps of paper have a knack of circulating around on their own momentum - and he had found my horoscope very compatible. My father saw nothing wrong on the opponent's (if I may say so) horoscope. So, this gentleman made another trip to my father so that matters could come to a head (!). He went home all pleased. Bang after a few days he wrote to my father a letter somewhat like this:"I was pleased with the alliance. You are a vadama but your wife is a brahacharanam which I came to know only later. My mother insists that the parentage should be of pure vadamas". I fully agreed with Professor Pangloss of 'Candide' by Voltaire who repeatedly said "Tout est pour le mieux".
And not very long thereafter happened what Heaven decides. In the meantime I had been transferred to the Sachivalaya (now called Mantralaya) in Bombay. This time it so happened that the 'party' was known to my father. The commonality was Rangoon life before the bombing.
In this case too, my horoscope had circulated. The circulation process is secretive and simple. If your daughter's horoscope does not tally with the boy's, then give it away to your best friend who has a daughter. It is ensured that only one copy goes around in order to prevent 'boy snatching'!
This time I flew to Madras from Bombay, and saw Revathy. Destiny had its final say.
(dr.v.s.gopalakrishnan ph.d., ias retd.)
Note: My brother V.S.Ravi from Madras has corrected me to say that brahacharanam mentioned above should have been 'Ashtashastram'. I am sorry for the error. The Iyer community of Tamil brahmins have sub-divisions such as vadamas, brahacharanams, ashtashastrams, Sholiyars etc. Vadamas are the 'purest' ones, having initally come from the North (Vadakku). They are supposed to be 'good and kindly' as I am given to understand. The brahacharanams are 'bey-bey' , meaning dimwitted, I am told. And ashtashastrams are cunning and shrewd apparently! (VSG -14 May 08; 1 pm)
by V.S.Gopalakrishnan
Opening my secrets to strangers on this wide sulekha platform, is like consciously unzipping the pant outside the rest room, or even worse. But I have girded up my loins to do it. I don't know where the loin is but guess it must be close to the groin the location of which I am not sure. Frankly, I know the locations only of ankles, knees, knuckles and elbows.
Anyway, I am opening up my secrets here, like opening the Pandora's box (not available to buy on eBay). I am going to describe my peregrination that led to the Thaali, not of food, but the mangal-sutra that I tied. That explains the title "how I got hooked". If someone thinks - in fact many will think - I am mad to publicise all this, I can take the slings and arrows of the opprobrium in my stride. At this stage of my life, I have nothing to lose except readership.
It all began with my entering into the IAS (Indian Administrative Service). (I sense some resonance here to the Mowgli story's beginning.."It all began with..."). That was the beginning of a career and the end of mental peace. Even before I left for Mussoorie in UP for my training, enquiries and horoscopes started pouring in. Of course, as for them, my father was the receptacle.
If I had married those girls, my saadoos (co-brothers-in-law) would have all been in the Services (IAS). You understand what I mean? Some crazy fathers having multiple daughters all go in for IAS Maappillais (sons-in-law) for their precious kills! My father told them all that I was too young for marriage (theoretically I disagreed but practically I saw the point). A few days before I went to Mussoorie, my father ensured that I had my poonal ceremony (sacred threat, sorry thread) in Tirupati despite all my gentle protestations. The poonal has disappeared ever since although my reverence for it has now reached an apogee, thanks to my age, understanding and wisdom!
Mussoorie was a different cup of tea. Prospective fathers-in-law would troop into the Academy armed with the Civil List. My name posed a problem - it could be Iyer or Iyengar. But names like Sivaram, Ganesh etc of Shaivite extraction posed no problem to these groom-hunters. (No Iyengar would bear a shaivite name whereas Iyers are bisexual, I mean they can have a shiva name or vishnu name).
These Mussoorie raiders would look at the IAS cretins upside down, I mean up and down, would give them a broad grin, hand over to them their daughters' horoscopes and disappear. Many of us politely declined the horoscopes and took only the photos (of the girls). We gave them our fathers' addresses and requested them to send the horoscopes post-haste since the match-making-business was highly competitive and late-comers would live ever only to repent.
After the Mussoorie training, we went away to the districts for further field-training followed by a career starting as Assistant Collector. I was posted in Akola district. My grand-boss (boss's boss) who was Divisional Commissioner and a Maharashtrian had an eligible daughter. I was sounded. I said my father was simply orthodox.
Akola had produced a kindly old Cabinet Minister called Abasaheb Khedkar. I used to accompany him during his tours. He liked me and used to look at me mournfully as if to say 'I pity you boy for your bachelor status'. In fact, he used to say, "Tumhi faqta 'ho' sangaa. Tumchyaasaati maraathi mulgi aamhii aanoon devuun" ("You say yes, and I will get a Maharashtrian bride for you")
Years in the district life passed. I had left my match-making to my parents. They needed no instructions or guidelines from me. They were also pucca anti-dowryans.
All of a sudden, I had to report to Delhi for a training program. My father's younger brother Mr.Edward Sastri used to live in Delhi then. He became Edward as a little boy when he had to enroll into a Christian School in Rangoon. He had no option but to assume a Christian name, chosen by his father, of course. He has remained Edward Sastri ever since.
During the short sojourn I had in Delhi, my Edward uncle proposed:"Gopal, no need to marry only a Tamilian. Here you have nice and beautiful and educated Punjabi girls, and I am inclined to put up an advertisement-daa, what do you say?"
Edward uncle's suggestion was too alluring. I could not say, or really did not want to say 'no' to him. He was a media person by career. He drafted the Matrimonial Ad and sent it to the Hindustan Times. I returned to the district to continue to do my slogging.
I never happened to know what came of the Matrimonial Ad. until one day I received an extremely sad letter from my father in Madras. He wrote:"Gopal, what have you done? Lots of proposals have come in for you, sent to me from Delhi, in response to your advertisement. Why did you have to do it? I have got alliance proposals from widows, Christians and all kinds of people. Is this our family's culture? This has made me and Amma very sad".
I too got flabbergasted by what had happened and felt very sorry for my parents. I decided to investigate. I phoned up Edward uncle in Delhi. And what had taken place was simply like this. In the Ad. he had drafted, he had mentioned 'religion, caste, creed, language and other things no bar'. He had got a Post Box Number for collecting the responses. Unfortunately, he had ensured that all that bunch of proposals was put in a big envelope and sent directly to my father!
There was no way I could have directly blamed my Edward Sastri uncle. However, I neatly explained all the facts to my father. The contretemps got buried except in my memory.
All of a sudden, new developments were taking place in Madras, or rather more correctly at Pallavaram, a suburb, where my parents were living. A gentleman, who later became the President of India, had visited my father with a horoscope and a basketful of oranges. He had managed to get a copy of my horoscope- these scraps of paper have a knack of circulating around on their own momentum - and he had found my horoscope very compatible. My father saw nothing wrong on the opponent's (if I may say so) horoscope. So, this gentleman made another trip to my father so that matters could come to a head (!). He went home all pleased. Bang after a few days he wrote to my father a letter somewhat like this:"I was pleased with the alliance. You are a vadama but your wife is a brahacharanam which I came to know only later. My mother insists that the parentage should be of pure vadamas". I fully agreed with Professor Pangloss of 'Candide' by Voltaire who repeatedly said "Tout est pour le mieux".
And not very long thereafter happened what Heaven decides. In the meantime I had been transferred to the Sachivalaya (now called Mantralaya) in Bombay. This time it so happened that the 'party' was known to my father. The commonality was Rangoon life before the bombing.
In this case too, my horoscope had circulated. The circulation process is secretive and simple. If your daughter's horoscope does not tally with the boy's, then give it away to your best friend who has a daughter. It is ensured that only one copy goes around in order to prevent 'boy snatching'!
This time I flew to Madras from Bombay, and saw Revathy. Destiny had its final say.
(dr.v.s.gopalakrishnan ph.d., ias retd.)
Note: My brother V.S.Ravi from Madras has corrected me to say that brahacharanam mentioned above should have been 'Ashtashastram'. I am sorry for the error. The Iyer community of Tamil brahmins have sub-divisions such as vadamas, brahacharanams, ashtashastrams, Sholiyars etc. Vadamas are the 'purest' ones, having initally come from the North (Vadakku). They are supposed to be 'good and kindly' as I am given to understand. The brahacharanams are 'bey-bey' , meaning dimwitted, I am told. And ashtashastrams are cunning and shrewd apparently! (VSG -14 May 08; 1 pm)
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